Series: IN THE PRESENT (Dec. 9th - Dec. 16th)

We’re Teaching This:

What is it about this time of year that causes us to feel a little more generous? We naturally think about helping families in need by providing Christmas presents or a meal, we visit soup kitchens, donate clothes, or drop food off at the local food pantry. Studies show we give more money and clothing to charity in December than any other time. But why? In the Gospel of John, we find a part of the Christmas story that doesn’t always make it into the nativity scene. Long before Mary and Joseph made it to Bethlehem. Long before there were choirs of angels visiting shepherd or wise men making their way from the East, Christmas began with a single decision made on our behalf. A decision God made to give. That simple but monumental decision has shaped this season ever since. And when we begin to understand all God has given to us, we can’t help but bring that tradition that began with His generosity into our present. 

Session 1 Summary: Bell-Ringers (12/9)

This time of year, there are opportunities to be generous on nearly every corner. Enter the bell-ringers. You know who I’m talking about. They stand in front of the mall, Walmart, and most grocery stores—sometimes dressed as Santa—and ring their bell in hopes that someone will drop some spare change in their bucket to benefit the charity they represent. There’s a part of us that loves the bell-ringers. There is something inside us that feels like part of Christmas is jumping in to help our fellow human. But as much as we love the idea of giving, there is also a part of us that cringes when the subject comes up. It’s not that we hate helping people. It’s just that the whole idea of giving comes with a lot of guilt. We feel guilty when we don’t give, don’t want to give, or don’t have much to give. In his Gospel, John describes God’s choice to be generous to us by sending His son. When we take a closer look at the very first Christmas and God’s gift to us, we find that He doesn’t just ask for our generosity. He demonstrates His.

Session 2 Summary: Christmas Lights (12/16)

The only downside to Christmas is when it’s over. One day, every house is decorated and every street has twinkling lights. Then, all of a sudden, it’s gone. Lights go back in the box. Decorations are packed in the garage, and it’s almost as if the Christmas Spirit was never there. But there is more to the Christmas Spirit than just Santa suits and strands of lights. For many of us, Christmas is a time of giving, celebrating the ultimate gift God gave us. But around the same time that the tree comes down, it seems our generous Christmas spirit goes back in the box as well.  The needs around us haven’t disappeared. It’s just that our motivation, our natural inclination to help others, gets shelved after the holidays. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, according John, Jesus modeled a generosity that was just the opposite and following His example means we take our generosity off the shelf and put it into practice during this month and all of the ones that follow. 

Think About This:

By Sarah Anderson

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to our children—no matter what their age—the things we expect our children to enjoy and thank us for the most are usually the very things that go unnoticed or unappreciated? I’ve started noticing it in my own preschool aged kids that when I pull out my best parenting tricks, my best memory-making ideas, it is sometimes met with them being bored, not impressed, and lacking gratitude.

The problem I face as a parent, and the problem all of us face to one degree or another, is what  pastor Andy Stanley refers to as the tendency to raise experientially rich kids, but instead of raising relationally rich ones. In other words, in our effort to want to give our kids everything we create the chance for them to have some pretty amazing experiences but often neglect actually connecting with them.

This becomes all the more complicated as our children become teenagers and appear to want neither experiences nor relationships with us.

It’s hard not to take personally. But I’ve found that what students express as “wants” or “don’t wants” often doesn’t reflect their true desires. While they appear indifferent, that isn’t always the case. Our students, regardless of their age, temperament or wiring, are needing purposeful and committed relationships—with us. Strong relationships with their parents now will lay the groundwork for strong relationships in the future.  

They need to know—though they aren’t often willing to ask us directly—that we like them and we want to hang out with them Maybe they aren’t looking for some big expensive vacation or experience. Maybe they don’t need anything that dramatic—just the chance for us to be with them and a chance to make a connection.

Try This

Maybe your student moving out of the house feels like it is a long way off. It could be several years away, or it could be in a matter of months. Try thinking about their time with you in terms of the number of holidays you have while they still live in your house. Your teenager maybe four years from moving out, but that means you only have four Christmases left.

“When you know how much time you have left, you tend to do more with the time you have now.”

Reggie Joiner

Take some time this holiday season to sit down with your student and together come up with a tradition you can repeat for the Christmas seasons you have left. It doesn’t have to be anything big, expensive or super time-consuming. But it does have to be something your teenager wants to do—and something that gives you the chance to have shared experience together and further your relationship as well.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: ALIVE (Oct. 28th-Nov. 11th)

We’re Teaching This:

Words are powerful. They can make your day or ruin it Words can make friends or create enemies. On a global level, words can start a revolution or bring peace. Now, think about how much more powerful God’s words are.  Simply by speaking He caused the world to be created along with everything in it— mountains, oceans, thunderstorms, planets, the sun. His words caused nations to rise and fall, and people who were dead to come back to life. God’s words are the most powerful force in our entire world, but if we’re honest…most of us don’t think of them that way. We hear “God’s Word” or “the Bible” and think about an old dusty book, something complicated, outdated, or even boring. But what if it was never meant to be that way? What if we’re missing out by seeing it as simply a history book or something to study? As we take a closer look at God’s Word, we may be surprised at what we find. God is inviting us to hold, read, and experience the same Word that created everything we see. It’s more than a book. It’s better than a story. It’s alive.

Session 1 Summary: Out of The Fishbowl (10/28)

What words come to mind when you think about the Bible? Exciting? Mind-blowing? Life-changing? If you’re honest, probably not. Even though we aren’t quick to admit it in church, many of us don’t feel all that excited about reading the Bible. Maybe for you it just seems like a history book filled with random facts about random people that don’t really matter. Or maybe it feels more like a foreign language textbook with lots of words and phrases that don’t make sense. Either way, it’s hard to see how an old book written by a bunch of dead guys about an invisible God could be relevant to anything we’re doing today.  But that was not how it was intended to be experienced. Through a letter written to the Hebrews, we discover that the Bible is more than just a recording of the past. If we give it a chance, God’s Word has the power to change our present and shape our future.

Session 2 Summary: Baby Bottle (11/4)

Have you every taken care of a baby? It isn’t easy. They constantly need your help. They need to be fed, changed, carried, and fed again. Eventually babies grow up and learn to feed and care for themselves. It’s a natural process, and it’d be weird if they didn’t! The truth is, we’re all growing up in different ways, and our lives aren’t maturing and growing at the same rate. One area where we tend to stay immature is our faith. We depend on our pastors, our small group leaders, and our parents to spiritually “feed us” or tell us what God’s word says, what to think, and what to believe. But we were never meant to be infants forever. In the a letter written to the Hebrew Christians, we find that God’s desire is for us to grow up and be healthy spiritually as much as physically. And the only way for us to do that is to find a way to feed ourselves.

Session 3 Summary: Forget Me Not (11/11)

Memorizing just doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? Maybe you’ve had to memorize something for school and found yourself wondering why? In a world where you can Google the answer to just about anything, why would anyone bother to memorize? There must be a better use of our time. That may have been exactly how Joshua felt. He was just about to take over leading the nation of Israel from Moses. It was no easy task and there was a ton that needed to happen. At this pivotal moment in history, God tells Joshua that the key to his success hinges on him committing his time and attention to knowing and meditating on scripture. It probably seemed counterintuitive. He had work a lot of other work to do.  But through his story we find that keeping God’s word in us is the first step to dealing with anything that’s going on around us.

Think About This:

Do you like to study? Probably not. It’s almost a universal “dislike”. And if we’re honest, most of us don’t envy our student’s position of being required to study history or math or literature every day. Sure, going back to relive parts of high school or middle school might be nice, but we’ll pass on the actual studying part. But did you know students often take their cues from their parents when it comes to learning, growing, and studying? In the article, “The Role of Parents, PBSparents.org puts it this way, “one thing remains constant: we are our children’s learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.” (http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/supporting-your-learner/role-of-parents/)

That means our attitude—good or bad—toward learning new things will ultimately rub off on our students. Obviously this effects them when it comes to school—but it also impacts their willingness to learn and investigate areas of their faith as well. While we may feel there is value in learning the principles found in the Bible, and though we want our teenagers to begin to develop a faith of their own, with that comes some really tough questions. And fear of not having all the answers can intimidate us into believing it’s a job better left to the church. But what if talking about faith didn’t have to be so scary? What if having all of the answers wasn’t a pre-requisite for having a conversation?

One step any parent can take—no matter where they are in their personal faith journey—is to choose to model curiosity. The reality is, no parent has all the answers. But every parent has the ability to demonstrate a positive attitude toward learning by choosing to learn with their student.  This is true whether the topic is faith, history, literature, or Calculus. That’s why many schools have encouraged parents to see themselves as co-learners with their student. Seeing their parents model a healthy willingness to learn has a huge impact on the students’ attitudes.

So when you don’t know, ask questions. Find answers—together. No matter the subject, involve your student in the process. In doing so, you’ll teach them the confidence to do the same

Try This

Did you know you don’t even have to believe something to learn from it? Think about it, did you ever learn something from a fiction book, even though you didn’t believe it actually happened? Probably so. Even if you aren’t sure whether you believe the Bible and all its teachings, you owe it to yourself (and to your child) to read at least part of the book that has so shaped our culture. If you do believe the Bible is true and accurate, that’s all the more reason to give it your time and attention.

This week, try reading just one verse and encourage your student to read the same one. You can cut out the card below. Write out a response to the question and then compare answers next time you’re together. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. Just a simple take-away that each of you can share with the other.

Series: ALTER EGO (Oct. 7th - Oct. 21st)

We’re Teaching This:

Everyone loves a superhero. Superman. Spiderman. Iron man. They swoop in and fight the bad guys, save the day, and somehow make their spandex suit look cool all at the same time. What would you do if you met one of these guys on the street? Pose for a selfie? Ask for an autograph? Probably none of the above. Chances are you wouldn’t you wouldn’t recognize Superman or Spiderman on the street.  Why? Because almost all superheroes have another side, their mild, unassuming, simply-not-as-awesome alter ego. Sure the public persona is amazing. But in their real, every-day life identity is rarely as impressive. In that way, we all have something in common with superheroes. There’s a public side of us. A super-identity that most of the world gets to see. We’re funny. We have friends. We’re confident. But deep in our hearts, we know there’s an alter ego—a less than super side that we’d rather hide away. As we take a closer look at three personality traits that often bury themselves in our alter egos, we find that God has something to say about each one that can free us from living a double-life.

Session 1 Summary: No Worries (10/7)

What do you worry about? Your looks? Reputation? Whether your parents will get you a Chihuahua for your birthday? Everybody worries. We stress about our family, school, future, friends, and about a million other things. Unfortunately, our worries don’t seem to accomplish much. Think about it. Have you ever stressed out about something so much it fixed itself? Probably not. But what’s the alternative? The Apostle Paul had plenty to worry about .He had been threatened, beaten, shipwrecked, and arrested, but he still found the courage to say, “Do not be anxious about anything.” As we take a closer look at Paul’s words, we find that God has given us an alternative. He has provided a way for us to give away our worries and replace them with peace.

Session 2 Summary: Bad To The Bone (10/14)

Have you ever been so embarrassed you wanted to run and hide? Probably so. Those moments sneak up on all of us. Maybe you dropped your lunch in front of everyone at school or maybe you tripped on the bleachers at a game. For a moment, it felt awful, but it was temporary. The problem is many of us live with that feeling all the time. It isn’t just because of a moment. It’s because of who we are. We feel like we’re not as smart, not as cool, or just not as good as those around us. That feeling is called shame, and just like embarrassment, shame makes us want to run away from everyone, including God. The question we have to ask is, What are going to do with our shame? Are we going to trust it? Hide behind it? ignore it? The writer of Hebrews tells us there is a better way. Because of what Jesus did, we aren’t required to give in to shame’s demands. And even when shame tells us to run and hide, Jesus tells us to run toward Him.

Session 3 Summary: All About Me (10/21)

Lots of things come naturally to us. Breathing. Eating. Sleeping till noon. And for most of us, selfishness is on that list. As little kids we learn to yell, me first and that’s mine. Even though it’s natural, living selfishly doesn’t improve the quality of life. In fact, it’s exhausting and lonely. Most of us would agree that focusing on ourselves is a miserable way to live, but we still act selfishly anyway. So how do we fight it? In a letter to some of the earliest Christians, the Apostle Paul addresses that very question, and what he says may surprise you. Spoiler alert—it’s not twenty-seven steps to being less selfish. No, Paul gives one challenge. One idea that can change the way you see everyone around you and help you escape the trap of selfishness once and for all. 

Think About This:

What personal traits do you hope that you’ll pass on to your teenager? Work ethic? Responsibility? A good attitude? We all have parts of our own personalities that we hope and pray will surface one day in our students. If we’re honest, we probably have a few traits that we’d rather not pass along as well. In her article, “Help for Stressed Out Families”, author Kara Powell explores one personality trait that we may accidentally pass on to our students without even realizing it.

According to the Stress in America study conducted by the American Psychological Association, no parent is an island.  Our own stress trickles, or in some cases, gushes, through our family.  Some of the most interesting (and may I say personally convicting) findings include:

•               One-third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 believe their parent has been “always” or “often” worried or stressed out about things during the past month.

•               Four in 10 children report feeling sad when their parent is stressed or worried.

•               One-third of children (34 percent) say they know their parent is worried or stressed out when they yell. Other signs of parental stress perceived by children are arguing with other people in the house, complaining or telling children about their problems and being too busy or not having enough time to spend with them.

•               Nearly a third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 reported that in the past month, they experienced physical health symptoms that are often associated with stress such as sleep problems, headaches, and an upset stomach.

As disconcerting as those findings are, something else bothers me more.  The study also found that parents are largely unaware of their kids’ stress levels.
http://stickyfaith.org/articles/help-for-stressed-out-families#sthash.j1R6lvfU.dpuf

When it comes to handling just about every area of life, students take their cue from how they have seen their parents react. That’s why stressed out parents can sometimes unintentionally raise stressed out students. In the same way, parents who struggle with anger, selfishness,

shame, or other difficulties can likely pass those traits on without meaning to. No parent is perfect. We all have quirks, tendencies, and habits that we wish we would go away.  So what can you do to ensure that your personal struggles don’t accidentally trickle down to your student?

Share the struggle. One way to help your student avoid certain habits is to be honest (in an age-appropriate way) about the habits or tendencies that you wish you could change. And, let your student know how you’re working on it. Say something like, “Hey, I know that when I’m stressed out from work, I sometimes snap at the people around me. I know that isn’t okay and I’m working on having better boundaries so that work stress doesn’t become home stress.” Or maybe try something like, “I know you saw me yell at the cashier last week in anger. I’m really embarrassed that my temper was out of control and it’s something I’m working on. I’m going apologize to her when we buy groceries this week.”

Try This

Think about an aspect of your personality that you’d rather not pass on to your student. It may be helpful to focus on one that most affects your teenager. Now consider writing them a two or three sentence apology and leaving it in a place where they will find it. Include how you are working on this area of your life. Try to incorporate the following points as you write your apology:

·         Pinpoint the struggle (anxiety, selfishness, anger, insecurity, stress, etc…)

·         Apologize for the way you have seen it affect your teenager and/or your family.

·         Identify a way that you are working on overcoming that struggle.

For example:

Dear ________. I’ve noticed I have a tendency to act like my time is more important than everyone else’s. I’ve been late too often to your game/recital/practice.  That is really selfish and I’m sorry for how it has affected you. Please know that I’m working on becoming a better manager of time by downloading a calendaring app on my phone and scheduling reminders to help me leave on time.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: COMPARISON TRAP (Sept. 16th-Sept.30th)

We’re Teaching This:

On a scale of one to ten, how do you measure up? Are you tall enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? And on that scale, which number represents enough? Do you have to score a ten or will a solid seven do? How about a five? It’s better than average, right? Most of us measure how we’re doing by how everyone else is doing. Not a day goes by that we’re not tempted to glance to our left and to our right to see how we measure up to the people around us. This is especially true at school. We see everyone else’s grades, clothes, athletic ability, talent, and popularity. And it’s easy to feel like we don’t measure up.  So we adjust course, try harder, spend more, and then compare again. It's exhausting. In this 3-part series, Andy Stanley explores the difficult—but not impossible—challenge of escaping The Comparison Trap.

Session 1 Summary: The Land Of Er (9/16)

Have you ever heard of a win-win outcome? Comparison is the opposite of that.  When we look to our left and our right to compare ourselves to others, we are engaging in a lose-lose activity. And, we may not even realize how destructive it is. Being smart-er or funny-er or awesome-er may feel like a short-term win, but for ourselves, our friends, and our family, comparison is a game with no winners. King Solomon was wise-er  (not to mention rich-er, cool-er, and powerful-er) than anyone around him. And what he says about all of it may come as a surprise. Through his words we find that real satisfaction may not come from winning the game of comparison, but from bowing out of the competition altogether.

Session 2 Summary: Looking Around (9/23)

Who is the one person you’d love to hear say, “you’re awesome”?  Is it your dad? A coach? A sibling? A teammate? We all have a tendency to look toward other people when we want to know if we’re okay. And if we’re honest, most of us have a nagging suspicion that we fall short no matter how hard we try. It’s human nature to look for approval, but what if we’ve been looking in the wrong place? God has something to say about whether we’re okay, whether we “measure up”. And it may not be what you think. As we take a closer look, His opinion of us may provide something we haven't yet found comparing ourselves to others.

Session 3 Summary: It’s In The Bag (9/30)

Have you ever looked at someone else and thought, “Does he/she have more ______ than me?” Comparison is being caught in the trap of constantly asking how we measure up to others.  “Do they have more money than me?” “Do they get more attention from others?” “Are they more talented than me?” We preoccupy ourselves with these questions, but God has a better plan. Jesus was a great storyteller. He used the story of three servants, each entrusted with a certain amount of money, to illustrate the question God would have us ask—a question that will free us from the comparison trap once and for all.

Think About This:

Parenting is hard. We probably knew going in that it wouldn’t always be a walk in the park. But, as a parent, have you noticed there are some curve balls that you just don’t know how to handle?

Chances are, you knew your kids were going to be different from one another. But it’s also likely you had no idea just how different they could be until you started raising them—until they hit a certain age and suddenly what you assumed would be true of one of your kids because it was true of an older one—just isn’t. Sometimes it feels like you have to learn how to parent all over again with each child. And sometimes not just with each child, but through each life-stage your children experience.

We may not do it on purpose, but there is a tendency to compare that comes so naturally and so easily. We bring attention to the ways our students are different from their siblings, their friends, our friends, and even earlier versions of themselves. It’s so tempting to say, “But why can’t you just be like______?” The problem is, comparison rarely works. It doesn’t make students want to try harder and it can often lead to resentment toward the parents and the sibling with whom they’re compared. Even within the family, there is no win in comparison.

Sameness isn’t even really a goal worth shooting for. Maybe there are traits in one of your children that you’d like the others to take on. That’s great, but you probably don’t want them to be exact replicas. A better goal is to be intentional in learning, studying, and celebrating the personality and wiring of each individual child.

Try This

No one wants to feel like they don’t measure up. Especially not in the place where they want to feel the safest and most secure. Work on making your family and your home the place where who your child is celebrated and not compared.

This week, point out something in your teenager that you appreciate. Find something that you have seen grow and develop in them that is a strength and then tell them how proud of them you are.

Then find something that, at first glance, feels like something you would change—that you would compare to someone else and wish away. And then find a way to leverage it. To see the good in it. For example,

• “I know I’m often on your case about talking too much in class, but I want you to know that I also love how social you are. You are great at managing a lot of friendships.”
• “I know that I get upset when you fight with your younger brother, but I also recognize that you’re just trying to get him to act in a way that is more socially acceptable. Thanks for wanting to help him.”
• “Yesterday we had an argument about playing guitar instead of cleaning your room. While I still want you to have a clean room, I’m also really proud of you for working so hard to learn to play the guitar well.”

Finding a way to celebrate something you had vocally been frustrated over in the past will mean more than you can imagine to your student. Don’t underestimate the value of your affirmation.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: BUILD (June 3rd - June 17th)

We’re Teaching This:

What is the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced? Maybe it’s a basketball game against your archrival. Maybe it’s passing your math class. Maybe it’s just trying to get up and go to school on time. Whatever it is, you’re probably familiar with the little knot that forms in your stomach. The nerves. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed. The Bible tells the story of a guy named Nehemiah who was all too familiar with that feeling. In fact, it isn’t just one story—there’s a whole book in the Bible named after him. Growing up in service to a king in Babylon and then Persia, Nehemiah probably didn’t think his life would make much of a story. But when he learns that his family’s homeland is in ruins, something changes in Nehemiah. He decides to do something about it—to go there. To build. Nehemiah decided to face, head-on, the God-sized challenge of rebuilding the wall surrounding Jerusalem and creating a safe place for his people. And through his story, we may just find the tools we need to face the challenge of improving our town or our school. It’s time to build.   

Session 1 Summary: Home Sweet Home (6/3)

Think about where you live for a minute. Do you like it there? And what about your school? Is it the perfect place to be or are there some things you wish you could change? It’s easy for the place we live and go to school feel like a placeholder—somewhere that we wait for our real life, as an adult, to begin.  Maybe you’ve never thought about it before now, but what if God placed you there on purpose?  What if there was a reason for you to live where you live and know who you know? Nehemiah found himself in a similar situation. Growing up in a country where he didn’t fit in probably didn’t make Nehemiah feel like he had any real purpose or that God was even paying attention.  But as he began to pray, Nehemiah discovered that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, his situation was anything but random. And as we take a closer look at his story, we discover that, like Nehemiah, where we live may matter more than we ever dreamed. It may just be the exactly where God has positioned us to become part of a much bigger Story.

Session 2 Summary: Against the Wall (6/10)

Paralyzed. Have you ever felt that way at the beginning of a big project? Maybe it was a research paper or presentation for your class. Maybe it was cleaning up your room after a sleepover with your friends. Or maybe it’s something even bigger than that. Maybe you dream of doing something big with you life—something that matters. But the idea of actually doing it is really intimidating. You aren’t sure where to start. So it just seems easier to plan on back away slowly.  Big results require big actions—and you just don’t feel ready for that. Nehemiah faced a similar challenge—he wanted to do something, felt called to do something that seemed nearly impossible. But what Nehemiah didn’t let the fear take over. He didn’t stand, paralyzed, on the sideline. Instead, he discovered that the most important step might also be the smallest – the first step.

Session 3 Summary: Get a Job (6/17)

52 days. It’s not a long time. Less than two months. Less than half a season of your favorite tv series. Less than two units in your chemistry class. That’s how long it took Nehemiah to build a wall around his entire city—not with cranes, but with bricks and human hands. It’s really amazing. But Nehemiah didn’t do it alone. There are lists in the Bible of different people, different families who pitched in. Some of them used their specific talents. Others just jumped in where they were needed. And, in doing so, they became a picture of what the Church was meant to be. People of various talents and abilities working toward one goal—unique but unified. And we have the opportunity to do the same – to work as one body, toward one goal. As we do, we may just discover that we are becoming the people we were meant to be all along.

Think About This:

Where did you grow up? Was it a small town with little to do outside of farming. Or was it a big city with tall buildings and a public transit system? Or something in between? No matter where you grew up, one thing is for sure—it still affects you. Whether its in our taste for certain types of food, our comfort level with certain groups of people, or the dialect with which we speak, there are always traces of where we grew up tucked in the folds of our personality. And that’s a great thing! Environment is one of the things that God uses to mold us into unique individuals.

But does your student know that?

The reality is, life begins long before you move out on your own. Not only does their current town profoundly shape them, but it’s also the first place students will have the opportunity to invest themselves—to care, or to serve others. It’s the first place they learn to assign value to the people around them. What students learn in their hometown will be what they carry into every town after that.

So if our hometown is so important, why is it that so many of us get the idea that the real-world exists after high-school? And how can we teach our students to make the most of their time here?

Focus on now. College is coming. The real world is coming. But for today, your student is right here. While it’s important to talk about the future, we also need to fight the urge to talk only about what comes next.  The truth is, if your student is in high school, he or she already has a limited amount of time left in your home and possibly in your town. By teaching them to use this time wisely and value the impact they can have right now, we are also teaching them a principle that they will take into their future. The principle of caring for where you live. 

Try This

As parents, it’s easy to talk about the glory days of college or our experiences when we moved out on our own. Those stories are often more exciting or have better morals to them. But, even in our well meaning way, we sometimes accidentally communicate that our lives didn’t start until after we left home.

Try sharing a story of what it was like growing up where you lived as a student. Was it a big city or a small town? Was there a lot to do or were you often bored? Most importantly, in what ways does your hometown shape who you are today? As you share, you may just find your student starting to value his or her own experience more exactly where they are.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: SHADOWLAND (May 13th - June 3rd)

We’re Teaching This:

Have you ever turned on the news only to wish you hadn’t? Or answered a phone call only to wish you could un-hear the news on the other end? Whether it’s a global disaster, a school shooting, our parents’ divorce, or the death of a friend, there’s nothing fun about learning of a tragedy. It can make us feel like we are walking through a shadowland—where nothing seems quite right and there are more questions than answers. What do we say? What do we do? What happens next? And, how long will it take? At some point, we will all face a shadowland, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay there. There is a way through to the other side of tragedy, to healing. But getting there means we have to trust the One who is leading us.

Session 1 Summary: The First Step (5/13)

What now? It’s the big question that we all ask when we find ourselves in a shadowland of tragedy. There’s no textbook for it, at least not one we’ve read. We don’t know where to go. And we don’t know what to do next. How are we supposed to respond when a tragedy strikes? Some of Jesus’ closest friends faced the same questions when their brother died. When Jesus comes to them in the middle of their shadowland, we see Him respond in a way that is both surprising and incredibly helpful as we begin to move forward in tragedy.

Session 2 Summary: Leave Me Alone (5/20)

Have you ever broken a bone? Had surgery? Needed physical therapy? If so, you know that recovery often takes longer that we think it will. The same is true as someone close to us recovers from a tragedy. It takes a lot longer than we think. And most of the time, we aren’t sure how to respond. What should we say? How should we act? What can we do when nothing seems to help? In the story of Naomi and Ruth, we find a beautiful example of how one friend helps another make it to the other side of tragedy. And, in their story, we find that friends, not fixers, can be just what God uses to heal those walking through a shadowland.

Session 3 Summary: Drop the Anchor (6/3)

So where is God when tragedy strikes? It’s a question you can’t help asking. Facing a tragedy, big or small, can shake anyone’s faith. Suddenly, nothing is certain. Nothing feels safe. And we wonder where God is and whether He has abandoned us in a shadowland. As the confusion of tragedy swirls around us, we all need something to hold on to. An anchor. In the words of the Apostle Paul, spoken from the middle of a shadowland, we learn a truth that can steady us in times of tragedy. And if we hold on tight, we may find that it’s just what we need to help us move forward.

Think About This:

Good grief. Is there really such a thing? Is there any way on earth that grieving can be good? Intellectually, we may say yes. We remember enough from our psychology class to know that grieving is helpful—but watching your child experience grief is a different story. Whether they’re mourning the loss of a pet, a family divorce, or something on a much larger scale, silently standing by as your student grieves can feel counterintuitive

In his article, Dealing with Tragedy and Loss, pastor Steve Wiens says it this way:  “When we encounter others who are in pain, we do not know what to do. We do not know how to comfort them. And so we say things to make a really awkward moment less awkward… which is understandable, but not helpful. These responses don't help someone who is in deep pain:

"God must have needed another angel in heaven."
"At least he's no longer suffering."
"Everything happens for a reason."

The problem is that most of us don’t know what to say or do for our teen. There’s no manual for it. So what should we do to help our student navigate the grieving process?

• Be Quiet. Like most grieving people, students need less words than we think. A hug and a simple, “I’m sorry” can be more comforting than trying to fill the silence with explanations or pep talks.
• Be Available. For students, grief comes in waves. It can be tricky for parents who think their teen is fine only to find them grieving weeks or months after a tragedy. So, no matter what happens and no matter how long it takes, be available. Tell them that you’re there to listen days after the event, months later, and even years down the road. Knowing you’re in it for the long-haul can help a teen feel stable even when the world around them is not.

Based on resources from How to Help a Grieving Teen by the Dougy Center and Dealing With Tragedy And Loss by Steve Wiens.

Try This

When a student is experiencing tragedy, on a large or small scale, it can be difficult for a parent to know what to do or what to say. This is a great time to look for an outside resource—a source of wisdom that can give you some context for what to expect from your student.

• Try reaching out to another parent who has been through a similar situation. You don’t have to meet over dinner, just email or call and ask a simple question. You can say something like this, “I know you’ve been in a similar position. What were some things that you learned or some things that surprised you while your teenager was grieving?”
  
  
• Do your homework. There are some great resources out there to help parents learn to cope with students who are grieving. Check out the grief resources from the Dougy Center here http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-teens/.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: CHANGE (April 22nd - May 6th)

We’re Teaching This:

Do you every wonder if your life would be better with just a little more money? Of course you have! Maybe you want to buy more clothes, more music, or maybe you want to go to a concert with your friends.  Wanting money is a no-brainer. But is that all there is to it? Is our only role with money to spend what we have and want more when it’s gone? As students, it’s easy to feel powerless when it comes to cash. Someone else pays the bills. Someone else makes the decisions. But what if I told you that you have more power than you realize? You have the power to help your family, change your habits, and even impact others in a big way. The truth is, money matters. Right here. Right now. And when you choose to change the way you think about it, God can do some big things in you and even bigger things through you.

Session 1 Summary: Think About It (4/22)

How much money is in your pocket right now? Is it enough for a Frappuccino? A movie ticket? A gumball? No matter how much money you have, you probably feel like it’s not much. Sure, you get a little for lunch or gas, but it’s not like you’re paying the mortgage. All of the important stuff is taken care of by someone else. You probably don’t worry about how the bills get paid or how much you pay for insurance. It’s easy to feel like money doesn’t really affect us. Maybe it causes tension in our house, and we probably wish we had more. But what can we really do? Should money even matter when you’re a teenager? According to King Solomon, the way we think about money, our attitude toward it and those who control it can make a huge impact on our lives and our relationships—even when we’re young. And because of that, money matters right now.

Session 2 Summary: Fight for your Right (4/29)

There’s just a great feeling that comes with buying something new. And that’s convenient because there is always something new to buy. New game system. New sneakers. New phone. No matter how awesome our stuff is, there’s always a newer slightly-more-awesome version coming out soon. And it’s completely normal to want it. The danger is when confuse what we want with what we deserve. That’s called entitlement—and it’s a trap that can hold us back from really enjoying our lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The writer of Hebrews tells us that there’s an alternative to entitlement, and when we choose it, we can enjoy something that no new gadget could ever give us. We can be free.

Session 3 Summary: Breaking Bread (5/6)

Any time there’s a disaster, earthquake, or tornado, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you want to help out? Money, right? Because we’ve all seen how money used the right way can help people. And most of us would agree that it’s great thing to do. Maybe you even plan to participate…one day. Eventually. When you have more than just a few bucks for lunch. See, even if we’re in favor of being generous, most of us feel a little hesitant to give. We think that our tiny bit of cash isn’t enough to make any real impact anyone’s life. But what if we’re wrong? What if we have more and can offer more than we ever realized? Through the story of a young boy on a fishing trip, we see that, when we are generous, God can use even a small amount to make a big impact.

Think About This:

Remember when you couldn’t wait a certain TV show came on? Or you couldn’t wait to get the new album by your favorite artist? Or you couldn’t wait for someone to get off the phone so you could talk to your friends? These days, it seems like waiting and anticipation are long gone. Movies and tv are on-demand. Downloads are instant. Friends are just a click away.

While these conveniences aren’t bad, the get-it-now mentality can easily drift into other areas of our life. We want a new phone before the contract is up. We want a new iPad, even when the old one works fine. The faster we get something new, the faster we expect to receive other things. And, especially for students, it becomes easy to mistake, “I want it now” for “I deserve it now”.   

In his blog post, Pace Yourself, Pace Your Kids, author Tim Elmore says, We must figure out how to pace our students, exposing them to measured amounts of possessions and appropriate experiences as they mature. In other words, if we give our students everything they want now, there will be nothing to look forward to later.  He goes on to offer some advice to parents, struggling to help their student master the art of anticipation:

1.      Pace the sequence of possessions and experiences, allowing for a bigger and better one, as they mature. For instance, you might plan…a trip across the U.S. when they're in middle school and a trip overseas when they're in high school.

2.     Don't fall into the trap of comparisons. Other parents may win brownie points with their kids because they give them too much, too soon. Those kids are "wowed" in the moment, … may have difficulty managing expectations as young adults

Pacing what we give our students, allowing anticipation to build, is certainly not easy. But it does help them learn to be content with what they have, right here and right now.

From http://growingleaders.com/blog/pace-pace-kids-2/

Try This

Nothing can help a student be content with what they have more than noticing what they have. Often, students have no idea how much money goes into everything that is provided for them. Things like electricity, water, clothing, and transportation. Consider inviting your student to join you as you work on the family budget. He or she can…

1. Ask for his or her help with the math.
2. Ask for input on where the family could save money.
3. Ask students to help you find a way to be more generous.
   
   

Not only will it help students to see where money goes on their behalf, but seeing a real budget, in a real house, can help them make wise choices with their own money as they enter adulthood.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: AMPLIFY (April 1st - 15th)

We’re Teaching This:

Can God hear me? Does God even exist? Did Jesus actually rise from the dead, really? And what about all the other stuff in the Bible? Did it really happen? How do you know? When it comes to faith, we all have our doubts. Every single one of us. And yet, for many of us, church can feel like the last place we would go to ask questions. Why is that?  For most of us, doubt feels like something we should hide, ignore, or silence. If there’s a volume dial, we should turn it down. But is that always true? Does having faith mean I can’t have doubt or does having doubt cancel out the faith I do have? When we look closer we find that amplifying our doubt, turning up the volume on the right questions, may just be the best thing that ever happened to our faith.

Session 1 Summary: Let’s Talk About It (4/1)

Everybody has doubts. Your pastor. Your small group leader. Your friends. At some point we all have questions about faith.  And if we’re honest, most of us have tried to ignore them, hide them, or just hope they go away. But what if doubt isn’t such a bad thing? What if our doubt doesn’t make our faith go away, but instead makes it stronger than before? Face-to-face with Jesus, one man was brave enough to admit that he had faith and doubt at the same time. In his story, we find that owning our doubt can lead to growing our faith.

Session 2 Summary: Yesterday and Today (4/8)

For a lot of us, faith can feel messy and complicated. Not because we don’t have enough answers about God, but because it feels like we don’t have enough answers from God, about us. Is God there for us? Does He even care?  We certainly aren’t the first generation to have these doubts. The nation of Israel had a history of trusting God, then not trusting Him, and then trusting Him again. Through a tradition called Passover, God gave the Israelites a simple tool to help them through times of doubt. It’s a tool that Jesus practiced and then passed on to His followers, and when we choose to continue the tradition, we find that sometimes going forward in our faith begins with looking back.

Session 3 Summary: History in the Making (4/15)

A fake bunny. Uncomfortable clothes. Searching for hidden eggs filled with melted chocolate. If you grew up confused about Easter, you’re probably not alone. Maybe you grew up in church and you know it has to do with Jesus, but what exactly are we celebrating? Here’s a hint: It’s not the death of Jesus. Yes, Jesus did die for our sins, but then real people, eye witnesses saw him alive. He had told them he would rise from the dead, but no one really expected Him to do it! The resurrection not only proved that Jesus was who he claimed to be, but it separates Christianity from every other religious tradition. We do not celebrate someone who is dead. We celebrate that He is alive and because of that we can trust Him.

Think About This:

Why do we have belly buttons? Why does the lawn mower make that funny noise? Why do I have to take a bath? Every young kid goes through that stage. The one where it seems there is a question about everything. At the time it made us crazy, but if we’re honest, a lot of us wouldn’t mind going back to those types of questions. At least those had easier answers.

As our kids grow into teens, the questions may be fewer but they become way more complicated. It’s harder for us, but completely normal for them—part of maturing is asking questions and pushing back on what has been taught. Especially in the area of faith, this can be really healthy. But, tough questions about faith can leave parents feeling a lot of pressure to have all the answers right now. 

Thankfully, in his article, “I Doubt it”, Reggie Joiner suggests that maybe having all the answers isn’t the best approach. “Relax when your children ask skeptical questions. … If you want your children to own their own faith, then you have to let them face their own doubts.”

In other words, letting our students face their doubt doesn’t mean we ignore their more challenging questions, but instead we hear them, and refuse to panic when we do. This alone can go a long way in teaching teens that having doubt is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes just saying, “I don’t know” or “let’s find out together” can be the best response to a tough question.

Reggie goes on to remind parents that doubt is part of a long journey.

You may have a primary role in shaping your kid’s faith, but you will never be able to control what they believe or don’t believe. If you could simply talk your kids into believing what you believe, then chances are someone else will talk them out of it one day. The spiritual growth of your children will take a number of twists and turns during their life. Most of us tend to forget the complicated spiritual journey that has shaped our faith. We expect our kids to skip that somehow. (from http://www.orangeparents.org/i-doubt-it/) 

Try This

Most students don’t need a parent who has all the answers, but they do need an example of how to live out your faith even when you still have doubts. They need a model of healthy curiosity—the kind that doesn’t give up just because tough questions arise.

Next time a question or a doubt arises in your mind, try mentioning it to your student. It doesn’t have to be very serious or formal. You can begin this way:

• “You know, I was just thinking. I wonder why God does this… ”
• “I’ve never been able to figure out …”
• “I wish I knew… ”

You don’t have to have an answer prepared. Just being honest about the question may go a long way in helping your teen have faith even when they experience doubt. 

Series: FLIPPED (Feb. 25th - March 18th)

We’re Teaching This:

Have you ever had a moment that made you stop and think, "Wow, this changes everything"? Maybe it was finding out you didn’t make the team or that your parents were splitting. Maybe it was finding out you're good at something or bad at something you didn't expect. In these moments our lives change direction quickly. The funny thing is nearly everyone who met Jesus had one of those moments. They came in with a plan, a direction, an identity. And as soon as they spent any time with Jesus, those ideas were turned upside down. And, as we look at four of these stories, we find that an encounter with Jesus has the power to flip our lives as well.

Session 1 Summary: Up in a Tree (Feb. 25^th)

What are you afraid of? Spiders? The dark? People who twerk? Most of us have at least a few things that scare us. Sometimes they’re surface fears. Simple fears. But most of us also have a few deeper fears. Those are the ones that we don’t talk about as much. And, if we’re not careful, they will cause us to miss out on some really great things in life. Zacchaeus was a little man with some big fear. Fear that controlled him and caused him to keep a safe distance from everyone, including Jesus. In his story we find that getting to know Jesus, and what He really cares about, can flip our fear and lead us closer to Him.

Session 2 Summary: Losing Control (March 4^th )

Who really calls the shots in your life? Think about the most powerful person you know. Reality is, no matter how powerful that person is, there are some things he or she still can’t control. Jesus met a man like that. This guy had assistants for his assistants. Everyone followed his orders. But at the end of the day, someone he cared about was really sick and there was nothing he could do to change that. However, he understood something about authority that we could all learn from. He understood that when his ability had run out, Jesus’ ability kept going. And trusting Him to be in charge flipped everything.

Session 3 Summary: Peel the Label (March 11^th)

Funny. Pretty. Jock. Nerd. Popular. Smart. Not Smart. We all have a tendency to label the people around us. In fact, we tend to label ourselves too. We think about ourselves in terms of categories. But have you ever thought you gave someone the right label only to find out that they were totally different? Or have you ever heard someone else label you and thought, “that isn’t really me”? That’s the problem with labels. They aren’t always true. And even if they are, they’re always changing. Nearly everyone who met Jesus had their lives flipped, and in the case of a woman with the worst possible label, He changed her whole identity. He gave her a new label that would last. One that changed her whole world and can change ours too. Because there’s a label that beats all other labels: His.

Session 4 Summary: Does it Matter? (March 18^th )

Everyone dreams about what they want to be when they grow up. Maybe you want to be a doctor or an artist or an engineer. Maybe you want to be known for being a great athlete or a great speaker. Whatever it is, chances are you want to become someone or do something that you feel is important. Something that matters. And you work toward becoming whatever that is. Jesus met a man who had already met his goal. He was rich. He was powerful. He was well known and important. But surprisingly, Jesus said he still lacked something. This young man had achieved everything that he thought mattered, but through his story we find that God wants more for us than just achievement or fame. He wants us to pursue Him first.

Think About This:

I think most people would agree that one of the more terrifying parts of parenting teenagers is the risk factor. They grow up and the stakes are raised. Their freedom increases but so does the potential fallout from bad choices. Parents are regularly faced with decisions on when to allow their students to forge their freedom and when not to. Unfortunately, we can tend to be overprotective in situations that they may not really need our protection from—and in the name of safety we may be inhibiting them in a way we never intended.

In his blog post, How to Help Your Kids, Live Out Their Story, author, speaker, and dad, Carey Nieuwhoff explains the benefits of letting go of control and trusting God with their story.

My grandfather and grandmother did something amazing. They let my dad live his story, not theirs. They gave up control, protection, and let God write a story in my dad’s life that was independent of their own.

My dad is one of my heroes. He actually did build a new life (in another country), not just for him, but for many others. He was not only a great father, but he ran a company for years, served his entire life in the local church and has left a great legacy of character for his kids and grandkids.

I’m so glad my grandparents swallowed hard and let their son pursue his vision. So, now the question.   

Would you?

In an era of overprotective, slightly controlling parenting, I wonder how many stories like my dad’s aren’t being written. Not because kids aren’t ready to write a story of their own choosing, but because parents are too afraid or unwilling to let them go or take risks.

Great plot lines invite things like drama, risk, mission, and calling. All the things that make parents gulp (and gasp).And by the way, my dad did see his parents again. He eventually had enough money to go back more than a few times. I even went to Holland with my dad to meet them before they passed away.

As you think about how you might help your kids connect with their own story, here are three things to remember:

1.     Prepare yourself now to release them one day.

2.     Understand that God has your kids on a journey from dependence to independence.

3.     Let them lead (without rescuing them) today to prepare them for tomorrow.

Is there anything you need to let go of today to help create a better future for your child?

From How to Help Your Kids Live Out Their Story, http://orangeparents.org/author/careynieuwhof/

Try This

Sometimes the best two words you can hear are “me too”. No matter what situation you’re in with your teenager, chances are someone around you is in the same place and asking the same questions. Do you know who those people are? Are there other parents that you can connect with on a regular basis in your community?

This month try taking two steps toward connecting with other parents around you.

1. Find Them. If you’re not sure where to find other parents like you, start by asking the student pastor at your church (or where your teen attends). They can direct you to small groups or environments where you can meet other parents just like you.
   
   
2. Talk to them. Sometimes starting a conversation with someone new can feel awkward. If you’re unsure what to talk about, start with this parentCUE. Say something like, “Hey, did you get that article in the parentCUE? What did you think about it?”  Knowing you already have something in common can open the door to more conversation. If not that, try opening up first. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. So think of some of things you may have a hard time with when it comes to your student’s independence. And then share it. You may be surprised at what someone shares with you in return.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.