Series: OBSESSED (Jan. 27th - Feb. 10th)

We’re Teaching This:

What are you obsessed with right now? Is it your favorite television show? A certain fashion trend? A band? A sport you play? We use the word obsessed a lot. Anything we really enjoy can become our obsession-of-the-moment. And dating definitely falls into that category. For some of us, we’re obsessed with a certain guy or girl we’d like to go out with. Or, we’re obsessed with the person we are currently dating—wanting to spend every minute with them. Or for a huge number of us, we don’t have a crush, but we are obsessed with the idea of dating—we wish we had someone to text with all day and night. No matter what your current relationship status, chances are you spend a lot of time thinking about, talking about, and dreaming about dating. And believe it or not, the Bible has a lot to say about it as well. In this series, we’re going to look at three key passages from Scripture that give us some clues how to enjoy the crazy world of dating without losing our minds.

 

Session 1 Summary: Hey There Delilah (1/27)
Few things are more thrilling than a new crush or a new relationship. It’s fun to get caught up in sharing the excitement of a new love interest. But we’ve all known someone who has taken the obsession with a new relationship a little too far. Maybe they stopped making good decisions. Or maybe they morphed into a person who isn’t really them, but who their current obsession would like them to be. The truth is, sometimes when people start dating, they stop thinking. Since all of our brain-space is taken up by our obsession with a guy or girl, it’s easier to just put our minds on auto-pilot and let our emotions lead the way. That’s exactly what happened to a guy named Samson in the Bible. And it got him in all kinds of trouble. Through Samson’s story, we see that dating can be great, but thinking is always better. Always.
Session 2 Summary: Honey Bee (2/3)
When you were a kid, did you ever get to pig out on Halloween candy? Or go to a sleepover where there was unlimited soda and Doritos? If so, you know how awesome it was until you had just a little bit too much. Maybe your stomach took a turn for the worst and you spent the rest of the night wondering how something so good could make you feel so bad. The same thing can happen when it comes to dating.  It’s fun. It’s sweet. And we can be tempted to over-indulge—to let it take over our thoughts, our friendships, and our free time. We become so obsessed with one part of our lives that we end up missing out on the others. While dating really is a fun, the wise words of Proverbs teaches that too much of a good thing may not be so good after all.
Session 3 Summary: (Rip Off) (2/10)
Have you ever noticed that obsessed people are willing to make crazy deals? Like the comic-book super fan who spends his life-savings on a single issue or the baseball fanatic that drops thousands of dollars on one card. It seems unthinkable to us, but someone is always willing to make that kind of deal. Believe it or not, porn works that way too. Wait, you just got a little uncomfortable didn’t you? We get it. Porn isn’t the easiest topic to talk about—especially in church. But we promise this isn’t about shaming you or guilting you into making some kind of promise you can’t keep. This is just about making a better deal.  See, porn is always a transaction. We’re getting ripped off. It distorts your worth and the worth of others. And if we aren’t careful, it can end up costing us more than we ever intended to pay.

Think About This:
We can probably all remember the go-to lines our parents used to say to us comparing life from when they were growing up to our lives growing up. And we’ve probably cringed when we heard ourselves saying those same lines to our own kids. Without even trying very hard, we’ve become a lot like our parents. And maybe nothing looks more different in our generation compared to theirs than relationships with the opposite sex. What has always been complicated now feels entirely mystifying.
The terms for dating and the cultural standards are different. What you may expect for your teenagers in your family may be different than what other families expect. In fact, your expectations and guidelines may vary with each of your kids.Thankfully, the most important thing for you to do, has little to do with the cultural whims of the day, the current relationship status of your kids, or even whether you’ve had the chance to talk about it with your students before. When it comes to your role in the relationships your kids have in the dating realm, your first step is to fill their tank.Students (and children, and adults, for that matter) tend to make their worst mistakes out of a place of insecurity. It’s not a conscious decision, but when someone feels insecure, they’ll do just about anything to feel otherwise. In her TED talk, author and researcher Brené Brown says, “the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging.” Meaning, every child comes pre-built with a tank made for love and belonging. So, if you work hard now to make sure your students believe beyond any doubt they are loved and they fit in your family, there is less chance they will look elsewhere for the affirmation and acceptance they are wired to experience.
No, this won’t provide them with an invincible shield of armor that fights off every potential dating pitfall. But it offers a solid base your kids can build on—an anchor that grounds them when relationships change. And when they know they have what they need at home, they won’t be as desperate to find it somewhere else.
Try This
While words are powerful, they’re only worth something if they’re believed. And belief comes from hearing messages and seeing actions that support one another. We know from our own experience that someone whose behavior and words match up is far more believable than someone whose actions contradict what they say.

 Try choosing one of the messages below that you feel most strongly about your student believing.

1. You are accepted. You fit in this family just the way you are.
2. You matter. You are an important person.
3. You are better than you think. You’re more talented, more intelligent, and more valuable than culture gives you credit for being.

Now, think of one way action you can do this week to reinforce that belief for your student?

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: CATCHING FIRE (January 6th - January 20th)

We’re Teaching This:

When you were a little kid, did you ever try to light something on fire using a magnifying glass? Did you love sitting around a campfire? Or dream about the day when you’d be old enough to light the fireworks yourself? It seems there’s something in all of us that is fascinated by the power of fire. But along with that power comes a lot of responsibility. Depending on how it is used, fire has the power to make our lives better or to destroy everything we care about. But flames aren’t the only things with that kind of power. The Bible teaches that our words, our comments, and our conversations, can have a lot in common with fire. We’ve all seen how words used recklessly can quickly get out of control and leave everything a charred mess. But imagine what would be possible if we began using the power in our words for something good and beautiful instead? What if instead of using our words to destroy, we used them to build something amazing?

Session 1 Summary: Out of Control (1/6)

Have you ever seen a fire get out of control? It can be really scary. One minute you’re enjoying the smell of a candle. The next, you’re watching flames climb the drapes.  One second you’re lighting a tiny campfire in your backyard. The next, you’re explaining to your dad why all the grass is gone. While the initial spark always seems small and weak, a careless mishap can catch fire and spread faster than we ever imagined.  In the New Testament, James, Jesus’ brother, teaches that our conversations work the same way. Words that seem minor and insignificant to us can spread like wildfire, doing more damage than we ever intended and taking our lives in a direction we never meant to go. But James gives us insight on how to take control of the words we speak and determine whether we use our speech to cause harm or to do good.

Session 2 Summary: (1/13)

You can’t beat a good fireworks show. One little spark, one little match, and the whole sky lights up. When you look at the tiny boxes fireworks come in, it’s hard to imagine what they can become and how little a spark it takes to make them explode into something mind-blowing. Our words work that way too. We can’t always see the power of a single compliment. And, let’s be honest, sometimes saying nice things can feel awkward. But as we take a closer look at a Proverb from King Solomon—a man known for his wisdom— we see that those positive words may be one of the most powerful tools we have—in the lives of others and in our own lives. Just as careless words have the power to destroy, words well spoken have the power to heal. 

Session 3 Summary: (1/20)

Many of us know the power of words all too well. Words someone said (or didn’t say) to us have left us angry and bitter and our hearts are still a little charred. Sure, it’s important to be careful with the words you control, but what do you do when you’re the one who has been hurt? The Apostle Paul knew that part of having relationships with others is the possibility of getting burned. In his letter to the church as Ephesus, he reminds us that there is only one way to move past hurt and begin to really live. It won’t come naturally, but if we’re willing to do the hard work of forgiving, we just may find that we’re healthier and happier, after the fire, than we ever were before.

Think About This:

Have you ever noticed how sometimes one little thing going wrong can ruin your entire day? Or maybe you’ve noticed the opposite. One small gesture, one kind word, one solid compliment can turn a rotten day into a good one.

In their book, How Full Is Your Bucket, Donald Clifton and Tom Rath talk about how our daily interactions with people have the power to shape our lives—for better or for worse.  They say that we all have a bucket and everything negative done to us, and everything negative we do to others works to empty our bucket—poisoning our outlook. At the same time, every positive interaction that we give or receive fills our buckets and improves the way we view the world.

These two authors believe that the daily effort made to fill our buckets (by choosing positive words and actions) could potentially determine a direction for our lives and the lives of those around us.

Whether you buy into this idea completely or not, it’s hard to argue with the power of positivity when you see it in action. And what if they are on to something? What if becoming more intentional about making optimistic choices does intensely impact the relationships we have with those closest to us? Or what if it actually does impact our productivity at work and at home? Would you be willing to try filling your bucket (and consequently your student’s bucket) with positive words and actions this week? Make it an experiment. Maybe, it will impact the quality of your day. Maybe it will improve the emotional climate of your home.

 Maybe it won’t.

 But why not try? What’s the worst that could happen?

Try This

For whatever reason, the people that mean the most to us are often the ones we have the hardest time encouraging. This week, try working to change that.

This week, try telling your student just how proud of them you really are.
Choose the time of day: Maybe it’s best to talk to them in the morning. Maybe after school. Maybe in the car. Maybe before bed.
Choose the method: You can send a text, write a note they’ll find in their backpack, or say it to their face.
Whatever you decide to do, simply make the effort this week to fill your student’s bucket—and when you do, you just may be surprised at how full your own gets in return.

 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.