Series: BABEL (Jan. 8th-22nd)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

What does a tower in ancient times built to reach the heavens and a cell phone have in common? A lot more than you think. The people responsible for the tower of Babel, the uh Babel-ers we’ll call them, took the technology, the tools of their day and used them in a way that elevated themselves and took God out of the picture. And the reality is that you and I have tools in our hands, the technology of our day, that we take and use in similar ways. The technology itself isn’t bad or good. It’s neutral. But like the people of Babel, how we choose to use the technology is important—it reflects the kind of relationship we have with it. And the right kind of relationship with technology will help us to do the right kinds of things with it.

• Session One: I <3 Technology (Jan. 8^th) 

  Many of us are in a serious relationship—with technology. We love it. We need it. It’s a big part of our lives. But some of us could care less. We’re just not that into it. We don’t need to text someone every minute. Some of us don’t even have a Facebook page. (Gasp.) But whether we are totally committed to it, or could easily see our lives without it, we can’t escape the reality that technology exists in our lives. And that’s not always a bad thing. Because technology isn’t evil. But what we do with it, how we use it, says a lot about our relationship with it.

• Session Two: My Profile (Jan. 15^th) 

  Who are you? That’s a good question. You can let everyone know who you think you are. You can upload pictures, list out your likes and dislikes and have people comment on your clever posts—allowing other people to get an idea of who you are. But what if in the effort to try to manipulate our identity we have lost sight of who we really are? And who are we really? Who really has that say? Technology gives you the illusion that you do, but what if our real identity went much deeper than what our latest status or profile said of us? Technology does not have the final word on who we are. It never has. But who does?

• Session Three: Social Network (Jan. 22^nd) 

  Today’s technology gives us the ability to connect with people in more ways than ever before. And with that ability comes an incredible power—the capacity to affect other people. We can use technology to encourage people or show compassion. We can use technology to help people in need. Or we can use technology to hurt, slander or even destroy someone. So how will you use technology? How will you use this tool to affect the people around you?

We know that many of you have set up guidelines for your kids about how and when they can use different pieces of technology like Facebook, texting, etc. We want you to know that we will uphold those values in our messages. We want to partner with you in creating healthy boundaries and guidance for your students in how they use the technology around them. If you have any questions about how we will be presenting this material, please feel free to ask.

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Most people know teenagers have technology issues. Here’s an interesting article that might help you understand your teenager—and how they really feel about technology and social media—a little bit better:

 http://www.dougfields.com/posts/inforgraphic-teens-wired/

We all think our students have addictions and issues with their technological devices. But if you took away an adult’s connection with the outside world—their cell phone, Facebook or Twitter accounts, texting or computer—many of us would find it hard to function too. Technology is a part of all of our lives, not just a student’s. And it’s become such a big part, that many of us aren’t even conscious of how much we check that phone or FB—even in a place you might least expect it. Here’s an article from the Fuller Youth Institute to give us a little food for thought on this idea of technology, and how it affects all of us.

The happiest place to text

By Brad Griffin

Recently I spent a day at Disneyland with my family, riding rides and battling crowds at the “Happiest place on earth.” Despite my cynicism for over-commercialized places and my frustration about marketing to kids…we had a great day and my kids had a blast.

But there was one thing that distracted me over and over throughout the day. It wasn’t all the teenagers attached to their cell phones—I actually saw most of the teenagers engaged in real-life conversations with the people around them.

It was the parents.

I couldn’t help but notice how many parents of kids of all ages were getting off rides and immediately checking their email and text inbox, ripping back responses as they floated behind their kids to the next attraction. Maybe they were bored out of their minds to be spending the day with their kids, but I doubt it. Maybe they were just distracted at that ONE time at the point I happened to see them (and I happened to catch about a hundred of them at just the right time).

Or maybe they forgot what boundaries are and how to give their kids the gift of presence.

I get a lot of things wrong in parenting. But the more I saw this behavior, the more I was determined to completely ignore my phone (and it was my birthday!) to be present to my kids. I have to wonder, though: if this is what kids see at Disneyland from the adults around them (parents or otherwise), what are we as a culture showing them day after day in our “normal” lives?

I suspect that if we want them to put their phones down every now and then, we have to go first.

Originally published at http://fulleryouthinstitute.org. Reprinted with permission from the Fuller Youth Institute.

3. Action Point

In the above article, Brad Griffin talks about “going first” in the battle to create boundaries around the technology that is present in our everyday lives. It’s not that we have to delete our Facebook account or throw our iPhones out the window for dramatic effect. But we do have the opportunity to model good technology boundaries to our kids so they can start to think critically about the technology that surrounds them everyday, and how they choose to use it.

The XP for this series encourages your student to take a break from a particular technology or social media tool for one week. You may have heard the moaning and groaning already if your student has made the choice to participate. So, in the spirit of unity and empathy, we are encouraging you to do the same. For this action point, you are going to make a list of your top 5 favorite social media/technology tools (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, texting, cell phone, phone apps, etc.). Once you have your list, prioritize each of them from one to five (one being the most important/most used and five being the easiest to live without).

Now, here’s where it gets tricky. Just as your student has made a commitment to fast from a technology tool for one week, you are going to get rid of the number five on your list for the next week. (We’ve tried to make it easier by giving you the option to get rid of your number five, but feel free to get serious and axe number one on your list.) Sit down and show your student your list and then let them know which particular technology you are fasting from. In order to help you both stick to your fast, choose a reward—some sort of activity or special outing—that you and your student can look forward to once you both make it through the week without using your chosen technology. Encourage each other throughout the week and check in to see how things are going. At the end of the week—either during your reward outing or maybe during a mealtime or your morning drive to school—ask each other these questions:

1. Was this fast from technology easier or harder than you thought it would be?
2. What was the hardest part?
3. Were there any unexpected benefits that came from giving up this particular technology? If so, what were they?
4. Do you think you would be able to give up this particular technology long term? If not, could you use it on a more limited basis?
5. Name one way that you could use this particular technology to help others or to do something good for someone else.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: Thrill of Hope (Nov. 27-Dec. 11)

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

For 2000 years, Christians have gathered all over the world to celebrate the birth of Christ, and not just as a historical event, but as a powerful reminder that God doesn’t give up on His promises and as God’s children, we always have hope. The Christmas story began with the nation of Israel, a group of people that had good reason to lose hope—they hadn’t heard a word from God in hundreds of years. To the poets, prophets, and priests, it seemed as if God might have turned His back on them. The thrilling nature of the Christmas story is that God didn’t turn His back, and although He had been silent, He had not been still. A baby was coming. God was putting skin on and moving into the neighborhood. Hope crashed into the silence.  
 

Session 1: More Than Faithful (Nov. 27th)

Christmas is a season marked with anticipation for those of us inside of the church and even those outside of it. However, the nation of Israel understood expectation in a much deeper way than waiting on a new bicycle. At the time of Jesus’ birth, it had been hundreds of years since God had sent a prophet, an oracle, or even a judgment. As we discover in the first chapter of Luke, all of that is about to change. The story of Zechariah and Elizabeth—the parents of John the Baptist—teaches us that when God is silent, it doesn’t mean He is still. He reverses the fortune of a barren woman, ends years of silence, and sends His Son into the world. The Christmas story since the beginning has been about a relentless God who is always on the move. 
 

Session 2: More Than Forgiven (Dec. 4th)

Usually when we read the Christmas story we start with one of the four gospels. This week, we’ll take a look at what Paul says about the Christmas story in Galatians. He offers a perspective that is unique from Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. For Paul, the message isn’t just that Jesus comes to forgive our sins; He comes so that we can know God as our Father. For thousands of years, God has primarily been a lawgiver to the nation of Israel, but now—through Christ—He is a Father to all of those who seek Him. The beauty of the Christmas story is not simply that we are off the hook for our sins, but that we can have an intimate relationship with our Creator.
 

Session 3: More Than a Story (Dec. 11th)

In the 21st Century, some 2000 years after the words were written, the Christmas story has come under assault in our culture. Is this story even true? Perhaps you have wondered that yourself. With the local mall changing it’s slogan from “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays,” perhaps you have secretly wondered if Christmas should be more about celebrating family than the birth of a Savior. Through reading the gospel of Luke—and understanding why he wrote his letter—we discover that the Christmas story is more than a story. The Christmas story is an event in history. Understanding Luke’s historical context helps us realize that our faith isn’t in faith and our belief isn’t in belief. The Christmas story is a historical event with real names and faces, real stables and horses. When we understand this, what makes the “Holy Night” of Christ’s birth so wonderful is that it actually happened.

2. Be a Student of Your Student 

Our kids are desensitized. Maybe that is a sweeping generalization, but let’s be honest: how many times have you heard people talk about the selfishness and lack of empathy in the upcoming generation? To be completely fair, this is probably a label that every generation tends to give the one coming up on their heels. But—whether we like it or not—there is a growing body of research which suggests that our young people today are lacking in empathy and sensitivity. Whether because of the media barrage of violence, sexuality and not-so-real reality television shows or simply because of a general lack of education and intergenerational connectivity, more and more people are writing about this next generation’s deficit in empathetic abilities.

An article in Psychology Today (June 5th, 2010) puts it this way:

“Earlier this week, Sara Konrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, released her results on a study analyzing and comparing empathy among college students over the last 30 years. The results? The ‘biggest drop in empathy’ in recent history. She writes, ‘College kids today are about 40 percent lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago.’ In related survey research, psychologist Jean Twenge has labeled the current generation of young people the ‘iGeneration,’ or ‘Generation Me.’ In her books she describes how young people today ‘take it for granted that the self comes first,’ and has labeled this time a ‘narcissism epidemic,’ stating that we are ‘living in the age of entitlement.’ Konrath and O'Brien link the self-absorption and lack of empathy together, calling the current generation ‘one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history... It's not surprising that this growing emphasis on the self is accompanied by a corresponding devaluing of others.’ (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201006/are-today-s-youth-even-more-self-absorbed-and-less-caring-gener)

These are obviously scary words to read for those of us working with and raising the next generation. But we don’t have to let research like this have the final word! Our job as parents is to foster the values of empathy, listening, putting others first and caring for others that we want to see in our kids for years to come. And a great way to start is to find something that gets your student excited and then channel that excitement into an avenue to serve and help others. Here are some practical questions to ask your student to get thinking about where they might want to give of themselves:

• "What really drives you?"
• "What's the most fun you've ever had helping someone else?"
• "What dreams do you think God has given you?"
• "What can you do that most people can't?"
• "What ability would you most like to develop? Why?"
• "If God hired you for a summer job, what would you hope it would be? Why?"

(Taken from http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/how_your_teen_is_wired.aspx)

The answers to these questions can be the springboard for helping you and your student determine where they can put their talent and interests to work for others. And remember, just because your student isn’t excited by any and every project that comes along doesn’t mean they aren’t empathetic and it doesn’t mean they aren’t a great kid! You just may need to dig a bit more and get a bit more creative in figuring out what really ignites them to serve and see outside of themselves .

 Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: Reversing Darwin (Oct. 23-Nov. 13)

1. Be a Student  of What They are Learning
In the dog-eat-dog world of middle school and high school, survival of the fittest often seems like the law of the land. And when we’re on the bottom of the food chain, this idea of a pecking order can start to affect the way we understand God—and maybe even the way we believe God sees us. But what if we were able to reverse this idea? What if something in Scripture allowed us to turn survival of the fittest on its head? Maybe we can start to flip the idea of “only the strong survive” and live in the reality that God has a bigger purpose and a better picture in mind—and this purpose and picture involves all of us—the strong, the weak, the in, the out, those you would expect, and those you wouldn't. Maybe in an effort to reverse Darwin, we need to start by understanding who God created us to be and how to live like it matters.  

Session 1: Survive (Oct. 23rd) 

Weak. Powerless. Abandoned. Overlooked. We’ve all felt this way at one time or another. And when we feel like the world doesn’t see us and we are less than fit to make it, we start to believe that only the strong survive. But God doesn’t work that way. Because God sees the hurt, the neglect and the times that we have been ignored and taken advantage of. God sees past the labels we give ourselves—and others. And because God sees, we are no longer powerless. Because God sees, God will act on our behalf.  

Session 2: Classify (Nov. 6th)  

We’ve said that God sees and cares for the weak. But if this is true, doesn’t it mean that God favors the weak over the strong? It’s easy to set up oppositions; it’s easy to take sides. Especially when we are the ones who feel weak. We want God to be against the strong—against those who are hurting us. But in Jesus, we see the picture of a God who can see the weak and love the strong at the same time. Jesus is The Great Equalizer. And because of this, we can live beyond the “us versus them” mentality and start to see everyone we come in contact with as God’s favorite.  

Session 3: Adapt (Nov. 13th)  

Everyday our students are making choices. Choices about what to wear, what to say, where to go and how to act. And these choices often reflect the herd mentality that says they have to be, say and do the same as everyone else in order to survive. In other words, they have to adapt. And while this may feel like the best way to make it through middle school and high school, ultimately it isn’t. Because when we learn who God made us to be—nothing more and nothing less—we allow people to get a glimpse of who we really are. And, ultimately, who God is as well.  

2. Be a Student of Your Student  

Take a moment to think back—way, way back—to those first days of middle school. Or to the moments and memories that still define your high school experience. Or, get really bold and break out an old yearbook and see what you find. Feathered bangs? Side ponytails? Maybe even a mullet? Or, maybe seeing those old pictures brings back memories of who you thought you would one day be and all the adventures you hoped to have. Maybe you envisioned getting out of your small town and attending college in a bustling urban center, or studying abroad and soaking in the European culture. But even if those hopes and dreams didn’t pan out, they probably helped you dig deeper to define who you were, sometimes by simply figuring out who you were are not.  

And for many of us, this process is still an ongoing part of our lives. It may even be that we were more sure of who we were at 18 than we are now that we have children, a job, a mortgage and a “life.” But why is it that we are still working so hard at figuring this out? Sometimes it seems that in our now grown-up lives we are working harder to convince other people of who we are. Whether on our Facebook profiles (yep, our students aren’t the only ones) or through conversations with friends, family and even other parents we are often caught up in a PR battle … with ourselves. We try to define ourselves by the way we represent ourselves to the world and in the process, we end up forgetting who we really are. Throw in 24/7 parenting duties, work tasks, daily household management, church and family life and any other threads of schedules and responsibilities and we get lost in the mix altogether!  

And, as you may have noticed, we usually realize the weight of figuring out who we are in times of crisis or great change. Often, we find that somewhere along the line we have “activating events” that trigger us to shatter the image of who we think we are and dig deep again to find our true selves, to rediscover who we truly are.  

And for our students, these activating events happen on a daily or maybe even hourly basis. They don’t make the team. They fail a test. They get dropped by a group of friends that were once their whole world. And like us, when this happens to our students, they get to pause, reflect, pick up the pieces and walk away in their new—or maybe just dusted off—identity.  

3. Action Point  

Sit down with your teenager and talk about a time when something happened to you that redefined who you are. Maybe it was a divorce, or even some defining moment that occurred before they were ever born. Whatever it is, talk about how it changed you and led you to better understand yourself.  

Then, ask them if anything has happened this week that has caused them to feel “less than.” What was it? How did it make them feel? Did it make them want to change something about themselves? Did it make them feel like they don’t really know who they are or where they belong?  

Now speak into that place of vulnerability and insecurity. What do you see in your student that is unique? What would be lost if they changed themselves in order to fit in? Why does it matter that they strive to be just who God created them to be?

Be sure to carve out some intentional time to sit down and wrestle through these questions with your student. And remember, even if they don’t open up as much as you would hope or like, the fact that you took the time and cared enough to ask will pay huge dividends in the future. Because just knowing what they are going through means the world to your student, even if they aren’t able to show it.  

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.