Series: TEN (Oct. 29th-Dec. 3rd)

1. We’re Teaching this.

Thirty-five hundred years ago Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with a short list of rules that has shaped the values of people and nations for centuries. We know them as the Ten Commandments, but do we really know them? Many people believe that the rules are a condition for a relationship with God, things we must do to get in His good graces. That is the opposite of the truth! The relationship came before the rules. And the commandments were meant to not only reveal God’s heart, but to keep His people free.

Session 1 Summary: Rules (10/29)

To many, Christianity is about following a set of rules. And if you asked them “Why?” they would point to a single source—the Bible. Specifically, they would probably mention the Ten Commandments. But what most people miss is the whole context for that list. God established a relationship with the Israelites long before He even gave them the rules. He wanted them to know they were His people. The reality is that following the rules will never make God love us more. In fact, when you try to live them out, you begin to see just how much you need Him. With God, the relationship always precedes the rules. Always.

Session 2 Summary: One & Only (11/5)

The first two commandments—“You shall have no other gods before me” and “You shall not make for yourself an idol”— are two of the most often forgotten. They have nothing to do with ego—in fact, they have more to do with us. If our lives revolved around God, then all of the other commandments, such as stealing, lying, adultery, etc., wouldn’t be an issue. So what would your life look like if you had no other gods but God?

Session 3 Summary: That’s Not My Name (11/12)

Have you ever said God’s name when you were angry or rattled off “OMG”? If so, you may have heard someone talk about you breaking one of the Ten—the one about misusing God’s name. But there’s much more to this command. Just think about it, do you think that’s all God was concerned about? Do you think that was the only reason He put it on such an important list? The reality is that we abuse God’s name when we choose to use it for our own selfish purposes—and that’s a dangerous game that involves more than just a careless slip of the tongue. If we dodge the will of God in the name of God, then we run the risk of missing God entirely.

Session 4 Summary: Do Nothing (11/19)

How crazy is your life? Doesn’t it seem like the weeks go by so fast? Okay, maybe not the school day or your shift at work—but the rest of your time, like your free time—how much of it seems to just disappear before you know it? What if you were more intentional with your time? More specifically, what if you spent time each week pausing, reflecting and acknowledging what God has done for you and everyone else the rest of the week? What if you took time to stop, rest and realize that no matter how much you thought you were in control of every minute, He was really in control all along?

Session 5 Summary: Unto Others (12/3)

The final six commandments illustrate a key truth about God—He cares a great deal about how we treat each other. In fact, these commandments were so revolutionary at the time because they showed that everyone had worth and value. God gave us these laws, not as some type of admissions test into heaven, but as instructions on how to live and be free in Him. He knows that not only is our relationship with Him important, but so are the relationships He has placed in our lives.

2. Think About This

From Losing Your Marbles / Playing for Keeps by Reggie Joiner, Kristen Ivy, Elizabeth Hansen

Most of you aren’t planning to pack up a duffle bag, walk out the door, and never turn around. But there are times, for many of us, when we (unintentionally) disengage emotionally.

There will come a time in every kid’s life when things get messy. Maybe they get sick. Maybe they become sad or hurt emotionally. Maybe they suffer a natural consequence to a decision they made. These aren’t
the kind of circumstances you create, and you certainly can’t change them—even though you might want to. But how you respond in these critical moments will forever impact your relationship. And it will affect the way they respond to and interpret their situations.

It’s interesting when you read the Bible and watch how God interacted with the Israelites in the Old Testament. He showed up. He gave them rules. And then they broke the rules, over and over and over again.
Maybe rules were made knowing they would be broken.
It’s not that rules weren’t made to be followed. I’m sure if we all followed every rule, there would be less anger, pain, and violence. When a rule is broken, it creates a unique opportunity to prove love.

In other words, you have an opportunity as a parent or as a leader
to show up in the life of a kid or teenager to give them rules that will help keep them safe physically and emotionally. But when they break a rule (and at some point they will), and you show up anyway, you communicate unconditional love.

That’s what God did. He gave the rules.
We broke them.
He showed up anyway.
It doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences. It doesn’t mean that there’s no place for correction or instruction. Of course, we want to help kids and teenagers learn from their experiences and make wise choices in the future. But it does mean that you should never punish them relationally. Regardless of what they’ve done, you still have the opportunity to show up to prove…

• You aren’t going anywhere. 

• They still matter.
• You will see them through the mess.

3. Try This

Mistakes are both healthy and inevitable. So how do we respond in a way that reinforces boundaries without risking the relationship?

• Decide in advance how you will respond. In tough moments, with emotions running high, it is so tempting to respond with words or actions that you may later regret. Have a family plan for what happens when rules are broken.

• Keep the relationship first. If we model permanent, life-long, nothing-you-can-do-will-keep-me-from-loving-you relationships, they will learn to do the same.
• Stick to the consequences.  Consequences are healthy. One of the best things you can do for your student is plan, implement, and stick with consequences.  When they apologize or we sense remorse, it is so tempting to say, “Oh alright, no consequences this time”, but remember that they are learning a principle that they will apply to more than one situation.
• Communicate the plan. An easy way to confirm that students understand expectations is have them repeat them back to you in the form of an “if/then” statement. For example: “If I get all A’s, then I will be allowed to have a sleepover.” “If I text after 10pm, then I will lose my phone for 1 week.”

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org. 

Series: GAME ON (Oct.1st - Oct. 22nd)

1. We’re Teaching This

In any kind of competition or event, the winning is almost always connected to the amount of preparation. The practice and the skill building may not seem necessary in the moment, but when it’s Game On, those skills are what take us all the way. Daniel was a young Jewish boy who encountered his “Game On” moment over and over. Ultimately it was the preparation of his faith skills that helped him through the most difficult of moments.

Session 1 Summary: Captive (10/1)

Maybe when you think about the Bible it seems like an outdated, black and white history book. Maybe you have opened it, hoping for a life changing moment, and closed it without anything magical happening. We can’t forget that what we read isn’t always about what’s happening in our lives at that moment. It’s about building a foundation, preparing us for game time.  Daniel was a young Jewish boy in a tough spot. Armed only with his knowledge of scripture, Daniel’s life and faith flourished because he was prepared when it was Game On.

Session 2 Summary: The New Guy (10/8)

What is prayer? Why do we pray? What happens if you pray for something and it doesn’t work?

At some point or another, most of us have employed the ask-thank-ask for more strategy of praying.  At one of the scariest times in his life, Daniel prays a different way. Daniel chooses to focus on WHO God is instead of WHAT God can give him.  Through prayer, knowing God’s character and ability made all the difference for Daniel when it was Game On.

Session 3 Summary: Into the Lion’s Den (10/15)

Our faith can be a difficult thing to talk about. What if you use the wrong words? Or the right words in the wrong way? What if you don’t’ know all of the answers? It’s a lot of pressure! When Daniel was called to appear before the king, it was not his words that so distinguished him. It was the way he behaved even in a tough spot. Through his actions, Daniel earned the right to be heard. When our walk matches our talk, we gain influence and both become more powerful.

Session 4 Summary: It’s All in the Approach (10/22)

Sometimes, as Christians there’s a lot of pressure to always get it right—to live with a “checklist” of things in mind we should do for God.  We think, “If we do this, then God will be happy with me—this is worship.” Daniel understands that worship isn’t about accomplishments and chooses to worship God by being honest about both his successes and his failures.

2. Think About This

by Crystal Chiang

Your student experiences so many influences each day. They receive messages from you—their parents, teachers, other students, media, ministry leaders, coaches and a variety of other sources. Do you ever wonder what is getting in? Whose voice do they hear the loudest and who has the most impact on their actions?

Despite all of the noise in their lives, studies show that students largely develop their ideas about God at home. Believe it or not, they are still listening to you, and not just when you’re talking about spiritual things. They are listening intently when you talk to them AND when they hear you talk to other adults about money, relationships, faith, culture, and life choices.

As a teacher in a public high school, I often engaged students in conversations that sound like this:

Student: The RIGHT way of doing (money, politics, marriage, etc.) is _________.

Me: Why?

Student: Because it’s RIGHT.

Me: Why?

And eventually we would end up at the same place. Because that’s how their parents do it or say it should be done.  Nearly 100% of the time students expressed “their” opinions in what was clearly their parents’ language.

Students take their cues on how to live from their parents more often than anywhere else. This is particularly true when it comes to our faith. The spoken or unspoken posture that we take toward Scripture, prayer, service, and worship will ultimately be the model our students use as how things “should be done”.

So how can you leverage your influence as a parent without resorting to lecturing or re-preaching each Sunday’s sermon?

1. Partner with the student ministry that your teenager attends. Just because the sign out front says “students” doesn’t mean that you are unwelcome. In fact, both the church and the home are more effective when they choose to work on the same thing at the same time. Connect with your child’s small group leader, be proactive in determining what they are learning and how you can engage your student in conversation about that topic at home.
2. Be transparent about your own faith. Talking with your teenager about faith doesn’t mean that you have to have a perfect message prepared at all times. It also doesn’t mean you need to have all of the answers. It’s okay to be transparent with them about how and when you pray as well as what happens when you don’t receive an answer right away. If you spend time reading Scripture, do so in a place where they might see you or ask him/her what he/she thinks a certain passage means.
3. Ask your teen what he or she is learning. Silence doesn’t always mean inactivity. Students process spiritual information in different ways. Just because your teenage daughter doesn’t volunteer to tell you what she’s learning at church doesn’t mean she simply goes to see her friends. Often students simply do not know how to begin the conversation with their parents about spiritual matters. Simply opening the door can allow you to speak valuable words into their life. And remember, anytime you frame a question for your teenager, be willing to answer the question yourself. Your transparency opens the door to more transparency from them.

3. Try This

Here is an open-ended conversation starter to encourage dialogue between you and your child about faith. These can be asked at dinner, in the car, or anywhere that conversation flows easily. Remember to model the way by answering the question first and then asking your student.

• Week 1:  What do you appreciate about God?
• Week 2:  Where have you noticed God’s activity around you?
• Week 3:  How can we make God a bigger priority in our family? (This is a great time to make a commitment as a family. You can choose to pray together or at the same time each day, read scripture, or read a devotional together. )
• Week 4:  How can God use our family?

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Series: FIGHTER (Sept. 10th - Sept. 24th)

1. We’re Teaching This

All families fight. It’s inevitable. We fight to be heard. We fight to get what we want. We fight for things to be fair. And oftentimes, the fighting leaves us in worse shape than before we started. But what if fighting didn’t have to be such a bad thing? What if fighting could leave us better than when we started? Maybe, instead of fighting for everything we want, we change our focus. What if we fought for the relationship with our parents and our siblings instead of against them? If that is the case, maybe a good fight is just what we need!

Session 1 Summary: Fight for Honor (9/10)

No family is perfect. We all know it. And sometimes we think that if we could just escape our family, everything would be great. But we can’t change our parents, and we can’t escape them. What we can do is change the relationship we have with them. The book of Ephesians gives us some insight into just how to do this, and it may not be what you might expect. So what can you do to be the fighter in your family?

Session 2 Summary: Fight for the Relationship (9/17)

Most fights come down to one thing: Perspective. Often what we want for ourselves isn’t what our parents want for us and this can cause some serious tension. So what do we do when we can’t see eye-to-eye with them? The Bible reminds us that the way we handle our parents when we aren’t getting what we want has to do with more than just our relationship with them; it’s a reflection of our relationship with God. Because when we turn our hearts towards our parents, we find ourselves moving closer to God as well.

Session 3 Summary: Fight for Acceptance (9/24)

Jesus had some powerful things to say about how we relate to our enemies. And sometimes it feels like our greatest enemies are the ones who live under our own roof. While sibling rivalry may feel like a 24/7 challenge to you now, some day the relationships with your brothers and sisters may be the most important ones in your life. So how do you get there? How do you make the move to fight for those future relationships?

2. Think About This

“It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s a classic break-up line. But it may also be a helpful line when it comes to navigating conflict with your student. Except, it’s just the opposite. “It’s not me, it’s you.” Not that you should say that to your teenager, but when it comes to working through the emotional landmines students seem to live in, this can be helpful to keep in mind: You aren’t crazy.

In an article from Psychology Today, Dr. Terri Apter writes, “The real task of adolescence, and the real cause of turbulence, is the teen's own uncertainty about who he is, alongside his eager need to establish a sense of identity.” It’s the reason things always feel on edge. For students, much is on the line. They know they are changing and growing, but they aren’t quite sure what, or who, they are becoming. It is a classic identity crisis. And as they are trying so hard to figure themselves out, parents become targets; innocent bystanders, feeling helpless in their position.

Apter continues, “Teens get so heated in arguments with parents because so much is at stake: they are fighting to change their relationship with a parent, to make a parent see that they are not the child the parent thinks she knows…teens expect the parent to appreciate who they have become, even before they know.”

In other words, your teenagers are desperate for a sense of individuality and self—desperate for you as their parent to recognize it, value it and understand it. They need you to lead the way in their quest for distinctiveness and feel the support and encouragement coming from you. They may not have the words for it, their actions may communicate otherwise, but at the root of this stage of development is the desire to be foundationally supported by the ones they often end up isolating.

As much as they try to push you away, exclude you or simply ignore you, by definition of your role, you are in it. With them. And if done right, you could have the chance to fight for them, and not simply against them. Don’t give up on them. Though the conflict doesn’t feel fair. The frustration doesn’t feel legitimate. The annoyance doesn’t feel justifiable. Don’t start treating interactions with your student as something to “win.” Instead, work at winning the relationship. Come from a place of understanding—instead of frustration. Come from a place of grace—instead of being defensive. Come from a place of readiness to help—even if met with little to no appreciation.

Instead of making this a fight, see this as a journey—done together. This may be a season of conflict. But your willingness to be present in it, to stick through it, to fight for it is, in and of itself, a win. Don’t give up on them now. Keep at it, and you may be surprised, encouraged and maybe even a bit amazed at who your teenager finds themselves to be.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/domestic-intelligence/200901/teens-and-parents-in-conflict

3. Try This

• Your teenager is well on their way to being an adult. Their communication skills are not. Be patient.
• Make the goal in fighting to resolve the fight—not just be right.
• Don’t escalate the drama. Refrain from the urge to pay back in kind their hurtful comments and emotional reactions.
• Address one issue at a time. Don’t let one argument become a venting session for all the ways you feel they have been disrespecting you. Remember, you want to resolve the issue, not keep score.
• Don’t forget, it won’t be like this forever. Hang in there!

http://middleearthnj.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/how-to-fight-fair-with-your-teen/

http://howtoparentateen.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/teenager-arguing-with-parents/

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.